Tuesday 3 October 2023

LITTLE BIG HORSE

 Little Big Horse 

I looked him in the eye to size him up. He rolled his eye and showed me the white. I cocked an eyebrow at him, least realising then that it was his way of shaking hands with me before the bell rang for the bout to begin!

The pony master had led two of them up and asked us if we knew how to ride. The major had shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something incoherent, and I said, "A bit."

So he gave to me the pony better suited to riding alone while he led the major's animal himself. I caught the reins in my left hand, anchored it with a firm grip at the base of a tuft of mane, put my other hand on the saddle, and sprang up landing neatly astride and quite pleased with myself.

The little mountain horse was much shorter than the handsome horses we rode sometimes in Nainital or the rougher versions at our farm. My feet hung low in the long stirrups and would have brushed the tops of the bushes if we were to go through them.

We were to ride down an enchanting trail sloping gently through a valley of lush green forest nestled in majestic mountains. A clear blue sky cradled a bright morning sun, birds sang in the trees, bees worked busily, flies buzzed with lazy drones and butterflies painted moving streaks of colour on the already mesmerising canvas. God was in his heaven, and all was well with the world, and I would not have been surprised if I had broken out in song!

The young pony stepped out smartly on hooves softly thudding where the ground was soft and brightly clattering  against stones. In a few minutes, our companions were left behind out of sight behind some little bump or bend in the path. Feeling nicely in tune with my little friend, I touched a gentle heel  near the base of his ribs...

He shot forward as if from the barrel of a gun! My body was jolted backward and on reflex I wrapped my legs around his belly, surprised that he was so small that my feet almost touched around his girth and I got a good grip with my legs. 

In a fraction of a moment I felt a rush of exhilaration replacing my sudden panic and frantic pulling of the reins. I stopped yanking and gave a little bit of slack. The bullet seemed to have struck something solid; the young horse suddenly stiffened all four legs in an absolute freeze!

Had I not been still recovering from the previous jolt, I might have gone sailing in the air over his head and landed on the ground in a heap. But with my legs still hysterically gripped around his belly, the reins flew out of my hands and I doubled over and my torso flattened out on his neck! 

Pure instinct made me throw my arms around his neck and hang on for dear life! A lot happened in every fraction of a moment as I fought to stay in the saddle. My right hand grabbed a handful of hair from the mane near his head, while my left slid down to try and reach the reins dangling from the bit in his mouth.

My fingers had just caught the reins when the horse came alive as if with an electric shock and darted off again in a mad sprint. I hung on to his neck with both arms and an awareness only of a need to stay on his back. After about a hundred metres, he stiffened and froze abruptly in his tracks again to try and dislodge me from the saddle, This time I managed to get a grip on the reins and sit upright. When, after a moment, he shot forward again, I was prepared and well ensconced in the saddle. When he braked for the third time, the forward jolt would have been enough to break my teeth on the steering wheel had I been in a car, but I was not in a car; I was astride a smart little horse whom I had, out of pure luck, got the better of! Or so I thought.

I laughed out aloud and jeered at him to try harder!

He seemed to think about it, lifted his head, and shot forward again as if from a cannon! He went like a streak of lightning across an open patch of ground and rushed headlong as the trail entered the dark shade of a dense grove of trees. I felt a surge of relief at the change of scene and the soothingly cool dark shade; and my eyes adjusted just in the nick of time as a thick, low, moss-covered branch loomed across the path hardly two feet above the galloping horse!

The little devil! I was riding a demon! He knew what he was doing, and he would see me dead! It was all I could do to bend over backward till my head hit his rump and the log passed by, inches from my nose!

I snapped upright on the racing phantom in order to be ready for the next challenge. When the next branch came, I ducked forward very low and clung to the side of his neck, much like they did in the old western movies as they fired their pistols or threw burning torches without providing a target to the adversary.

Again a feeling came that I had survived this round, and as we sped through an outcrop of rocks, I waited for his next trick.

It wasn't long in coming. The trail ran along a ditch on the left side and a wall of solid rock on the right. There was room enough for two horses to cross. My spirited little fighter came up with an ingenious idea, running barely an inch away from the wall on the right! Had I not by now known his mettle, had I been in lesser awe of his fighting spirit, had I credited him with any lesser intelligence, I would surely have lost a knee and some sundry bones that beautiful morning.

But God was in his heaven, and things in the world were happening just as they were supposed to. This time, I had seen it coming; I dare say that the idea had struck us both at the same time; and I rode across two such knee-scraping attempts with my right leg stretched over the saddle and along the length of the devil's back, while I rested my weight on the left stirrup, praying that the straps would not break, and hung on for dear life; my face downwards, my arms around the horse's neck and the seat of my pants waving in the air!

The imbalance of my weight in the saddle slowed him down. He walked forward staidly for some time, and I relaxed enough to gather my wits, straighten my form, run a wondering hand over the turban still on my head. As we stepped over a patch of green grass with the morning dew still shimmering in the sun, I felt an overwhelming surge of respect for my brave-hearted pony. I was suddenly getting an entirely fresh view of the clear sky, the trees and rocks and air and all of Creation. I leaned forward and patted his neck. I thanked him with soft endearments. I had a lump in my throat the size of a football as I told him that he had won; that he had had me leaning on the ropes in every round of the match.

We rounded a corner and came upon an expanse of meadow with tents pitched on the near side. We rode up to them as kindred spirits, a young man and a young horse, both a bit stronger for having tested our strength, both exhilarated at the experience, both eager to step out and take on life. I did not tell my soldiers or his keeper a word about what had transpired, and he kept quiet about it, too.

***************

Happy birthday, my lovely Jashan, may your horses challenge you well, and may you ride them strong!


Saturday 22 July 2023

THE COST OF LIVING

 The Cost of Living or God is a Matter of Opinion 

I judge others only in order to validate myself. Only.

Others are wrong to prove that I am right.

And no one is bothered, because they stand on a different little hillock to look down at a world that's all wrong. Other than themselves.

I can choose to be happy; as is, where is; as am where am. 

Now. 

It's the only way.

Investing in sadness today on the pretext of reaping happiness tomorrow only takes away the chance of spending a joyful day today.

I do not have the selflessness of perspective to understand that if I am not wrong, then no one else can be.

So I nurse and propagate various beliefs and 'truths'. One of them is known as God.

This God is the easiest pin-cushion to blame my troubles on, and say to that It owes me Something. 

No one can say that to Me; that I owe them something.

And I spin a web of right and wrong. I sometimes repeat borrowed thoughts to buttress my own. Because countless millions before me have trod the same path. 

Treadmill. Over and over. Without getting anywhere. Trod the mill.

My only validation lies in judging others. In poorer light.

Judgement is just a matter of opinion.

As God is.

And I propound a final Day of Judgement, when Someone in Authority will tell all and sundry that I was right. That I had reason to be what I was; to do what I did, as I did.

God.

A matter of opinion.

A convenience.

More than the bed I sleep on, the food that sustains me, the air I breathe, the earth I inhabit.

My only hope for salvation.

Defined as it suits me. So that I am right where others are not. 

Sometimes others are so un-right that they are left. Left behind, left out, just left. Escaped from.

Right and wrong. Fully subjective.

A matter of opinion. 

God.

The cost of living.


Unless.

Unless I start recognising myself as a part of, a reflection of, a sameness of, that One Selfless All Knowing Idea that is separated from humans only by being All Encompassing, All Understanding, All Accepting, All Salvate-ing!

Responsible for all acts of commission and omission in all of Creation.

And thus The Giver of Freedom to all beings to be themselves, without fear of being judged.

For.. I... am... only... a matter of opinion. Sometimes mine, sometimes others'.

What else could I be; my coming, my being, my going? 

Not even a whisper in this vast Nothingness.

Wednesday 8 March 2023

FOOD FOR THE SAADHU (Nawab Nagar)

Magical times. Sweat of the brow, strain of the sinews, matter of fact courage.

Fathers planned, toiled, worried, dared, protected, provided and built. Mothers cooked, cleaned, spun, wove, sewed, washed, swept, talked, sang, complained, cuddled, cared, fed, raised children and made homes. Children ate, played, read, went out to the fields, laughed, made, broke, dirtied, quarrelled, cried, slept, grew stronger and aspired to follow in their parents’ footsteps.


About once on an average day, a mother would be heard shouting to whoever was within earshot, "Jaa rayy, saadh nu rotti de de!" 

(Go, give food to the saadhu!)


The saadhus came seeking food and alms, mostly just a meal to eat and a little flour to take away. The flour was from grain that had been grown by the fathers and ground by the mothers, the food was warm, and it was what the family ate.


One of the saadhus was an old dacoit, now bent over with age. His clothes were old and ragged, gnarled toes in leather sandals that seemed as old as time, knotted fingers holding a stick whose grip shone with years of use; eyes cast down behind bushy, white eyebrows; white beard and ancient moustache drooping from the bent frame; a length of old cloth wrapped around his head.


He would sit on the ground in the shade of a wall in the courtyard near the steps coming down from the veranda and wait quietly. Mother would call out when the meal was ready, "Jaa rayy, saadh nu rotti de de!"

Whichever child happened to be close by would take the three or four big rotis, some vegetable piled on them; given by hand, placed on hand; eaten in silence, slowly.


He seldom spoke a word. To a little boy, he looked like Baba Nanak. 


Another saadhu was a middle-aged fakir who cared for a mazhaar under a nearby banyan tree. His robe was black, his little turban green, sometimes a black cap, and there was a string of colourful stones around his neck. His eyes shone brightly and there was kohl around them. There was a tangle of cloth bags at his side in which he would take home the few handfuls of flour or grains that he would receive. 


At the entrance to the courtyard he would shout one word in a sharp voice, "Haq!"


Then he would sit and wait patiently in the same spot as the old man, till mother readied the same meal and called to anyone who was close at hand , "Jaa re, saadh nu rotti de de!"


His single-word command inspired awe in the little boy who was a bit intimidated by his mysterious apparel and piercing eyes.

Never another word, year after year, except, "Haq!"


And those who went by his 'jaarat' under the banyan tree would get a drink of water, a frugal meal, some drags at a hukkah, or a place to rest awhile if they wanted.


Then there were 'bhikshus' from a 'matth' somewhere not very near. They came by quite often, always in pairs; young lads with shaven heads, clad in saffron, full of playful energy and chatter. It was part of their training to go around asking for alms. They enjoyed their food, talked cheerfully, accepted whatever they got, and spent an extra hour roaming around without a care, watching the farm labour at work or the children at play.


The age of the 'children' spanned a period of almost 20 years. In their own turn, they all went to school and out into different experiences and exposures in the world. They learned a lot about money and belongings, about saving and coveting and hoarding, about stealing and grabbing and bullying, about selfishness and impatience, about appearances and luxury, about bragging and boastfulness.


They learned that saadhus do not exist in the real world, that those who came in expectation of a simple meal and a handful of grain were useless beggars who were too lazy to work for a living, they learned that wealth was best accumulated by taking away from the hapless and the meek.

They learned that contentment was a sin, sound health was a lie, charity was a fashionable thing to be paraded and used as building material for big bubbles of ego.


They learned that saadhus, jogies, snake charmers, raoming acrobats, even simple passers by who stopped for a drink of water at a hand-pump or an afternoon in the shade of a tree were to be chased away as loafers and prospective thieves. 


The right of one man to share the food of another, the right of one being to share the earth with another, the right to be happy, the commitment to co-exist, were relegated to trash and replaced by a greed that, in turn, bred suspicion and insecurity.


Mankind lost faith in the natural order of things, in the irrefutable occurrences of birth, death, illness, wellness, prosperity, adversity, coming and going.


The clock kept ticking.


x x x x x x x x x x


She sat in a corner of the porch outside the huge Real Canadian Superstore, a young girl, maybe in her early twenties. A roughly torn piece of cardboard in front of her bore the scrawled words, "Any help will be appreciated."

One of the children, almost 60 now, stopped before her, "Can I get you anything from inside?"

"Uh, yeah! Something to eat?

"Anything in particular?"

"Ye-yes; a box of cereal? Any cereal?"

All other sounds around them seemed to fade away, and his voice was even gentler, “Anything else? Can I get you anything else?"

" Uh..a..a sandwich, maybe?"

"Sure. Why don't you just come into the store with me? Pick up whatever you want and I'll pay for it; I'll be happy to."

"No, they don’t like us going in."

A lump in my throat, vision blurring. Deja vu. I had heard the same words from a poor girl with handicapped legs outside a place of worship and much-touted charitable food back home.


“Will you get me a jar of Nutella?"


Oh my child, my child, my beautiful forgotten child - flashback to all those children in school who would smuggle up rottis from the dining hall and have them with Nutella or sandwich spreads late in the night when the hostel warden made his rounds.


The old warden's eyes swim with tears. “It's getting late,” he says slowly, intensely, as if it is desperately important to him, “They take a lot of time in there; wait for me. Please don't go away."


So many years after the saadhus started going elsewhere, the child understood what the fakir was reiterating in one syllable - the right of one human being to share the food of another!

No more, no less; without fear or favour; no begging, no piety.

Just a right to eat, to live, to be!

The right of one human being to share the food of another, honourably.

The privilege. 

Haq!


x x x x x x x x x x x x x


Sant Kabir:


साईं इतना दीजिए जा में कुटुंब समाए।

मैं भी भूखा ना रहूं साधू ना भूखा जाए।


(Lord, give me this much that my family is fed,

I do not stay hungry, and a saadhu does not go hungry)


           - Sant Kabir


x x x x x x x x x x x x 


Even as I write this as a gift to all my children on Tiffy’s 28th birthday, the last of the parents of the Nawab Nagar children, my Chachaji Nasib Singh, has passed on. We’re all going through a few days of calm and contemplation on the seeming end of an era. Those ‘children’ of Nawab Nagar are now old, and a whole brood of blessed young men and women have taken their place.


The wheel of time will keep turning, and, in their own ways, they will feed the saadhus.